Four wipes and seven squares ago, we at NTG embarked on a task: to become the #1 guide to #2. The task has been full of some sinkers, floaters, and a share of skidmarks, but we refuse to go down the drain. As the site continues to grow, we aim to bring you more features, more articles, and basically, more shit. So before you grab your plunger and force us out of your lives, hang in there because we promise the following changes and additions over the next few months:
Read Before Wiping - the NTG newsletter
Monthly newsletter with latest top stories, comics, and editorials
Poop calculator
How many poops have you taken in your life? How high would they stretch if you stacked them end to end? Soon you can find out.
The Orifice - live action
Your favorite poop comic series comes to life
Site Redesign
More shit to love - merchandise, user-friendly design
“Number One Office Guide to Number Two”
Where it all started. Look for more office pooping tips
Thanks to all of you who have stuck with us like a dingleberry.
We are a messed up generation with too much time on our hands (says the guy who writes for a blog about poop). The latest number to enter the poop scene is what is known as the “Taco Bell Diaper Party.” No, it’s not a redneck baby shower, it’s much worse.
To start, it’s not a party; it’s a game. Like any game, there are winners and losers. The rules to this game are simple, but needed because if it were not for the rules, everyone who plays would just be a loser.
Here’s how it works:
Step 1: Gather a few friends and order a ton of Taco Bell
Step 2: Buy diapers
Step 3: Go home, remove pants and put on diapers Read more…
A 1000 year old piece of poop has been responsible for gathering crowds at a Gloucester museum.People have been bussing in from all over England and handing their money over to get a close look at this extravagant excrement.
The log was discovered by an archaeologist in 1991 at the bottom of a roadside hole.However, the poop was not displayed to the public until recently.When questioned on the exhibits delay the archeologist who discovered the poop said, “After the dig my colleagues asked me if I had found anything of value, to which I replied, ‘just shit’.When no one seemed excited I figured it was worthless”.
Several years later the archeologist discovered the poops significance and now it is one of the museums most popular exhibits.
I had been living in Costa Rica for nearly two years and had already experienced many episodes of diarrhea, but nothing could have prepared me for what was soon going to invade my poor body…submitted for the approval of the Number Two Guide society, I call this story: The Tale of Cryptosporidiosis
I was enjoying a quiet weekend in the small South Caribbean town of Puerto Viejo. A surfing village with great beaches, exquisite Caribbean cuisine, friendly locals, tourists from around the world, and annoying cracked out ex-pats. I was drinking the water, eating the food, sharing the bathroom and showers at the hostel, which was nothing out of the ordinary. Everything seemed fine…until I was leaving, taking the bus back to my house — two hours north of this fine port city.
Suddenly, it felt like something was eating the inside of my stomach. It was painful and I wanted it out of my body. Luckily, (well not so luckily because I was still on the bus) my body was one step ahead and initiated the abort sequence. I felt like I was going to vomit and have an episode of diarrhea at the same time. I managed to control my bodily functions for the next twenty minutes, which happened to be the worst twenty minutes of my life. Read more…
This baseball season the New York Yankees acquired relief pitcher Chan Ho Park from the Philadelphia Phillies. Chan Ho Park has had an impressive career overall, but in his debut game with the Yankees his pitching was not as explosive as it had been in the past. In his very next outing he was back to his old self, and closed the game out without any issues.
After the game Chan Ho Park was interviewed about both performances and was asked, “Why did you perform so much better the in the second game?” Chan Ho Park did not spare any details and gave the most honest answer ever provided by a professional athlete.
When you’re pitching on the mound and something starts to stir around…diarrhea Chan Chan Chan.
When you’re throwing the heat and you feel something creep towards your feet…diarrhea Chan Chan Chan.
Bathroom attendants…aren’t they the worst? You’re bumping to some Bon Jovi at the club, sippin on a cranberry vodka, talking to some chick whose name you forgot, and you gotta pee. Or you know, whatever. But then you see there’s a guy offering hand towels and toothpicks and mints and you gotta wonder: is it even worth it?
Passengers aboard RyanAir will now have to ask themselves the same question, as they’ll be forced to pay to use the potty if they’re on board. And so if you’re gridlocked on the runway, how much will you have to shell up to access the bathroom? 1 euro, or as I think of it, more than you should ever have to pay to relieve yourself.
Dr. Steven Soifer, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, agrees with me. That’s probably because he is also the co-founder of the American Restroom Association and Shy Bladder Center - two places I would work if fate ever played a roll in employment. Read more…
