Four wipes and seven squares ago, we at NTG embarked on a task: to become the #1 guide to #2. The task has been full of some sinkers, floaters, and a share of skidmarks, but we refuse to go down the drain. As the site continues to grow, we aim to bring you more features, more articles, and basically, more shit. So before you grab your plunger and force us out of your lives, hang in there because we promise the following changes and additions over the next few months:
Read Before Wiping - the NTG newsletter
Monthly newsletter with latest top stories, comics, and editorials
Poop calculator
How many poops have you taken in your life? How high would they stretch if you stacked them end to end? Soon you can find out.
The Orifice - live action
Your favorite poop comic series comes to life
Site Redesign
More shit to love - merchandise, user-friendly design
“Number One Office Guide to Number Two”
Where it all started. Look for more office pooping tips
Thanks to all of you who have stuck with us like a dingleberry.
This baseball season the New York Yankees acquired relief pitcher Chan Ho Park from the Philadelphia Phillies. Chan Ho Park has had an impressive career overall, but in his debut game with the Yankees his pitching was not as explosive as it had been in the past. In his very next outing he was back to his old self, and closed the game out without any issues.
After the game Chan Ho Park was interviewed about both performances and was asked, “Why did you perform so much better the in the second game?” Chan Ho Park did not spare any details and gave the most honest answer ever provided by a professional athlete.
When you’re pitching on the mound and something starts to stir around…diarrhea Chan Chan Chan.
When you’re throwing the heat and you feel something creep towards your feet…diarrhea Chan Chan Chan.
The noise violation hung on 18 year old Andrew Charles Donahue’s fridge as a constant reminder of the neighbor that betrayed him. Every day as Donahue reached for the milk the ticket mocked him, but what was it that pushed him over the edge?
Was it the fine he had to pay? Maybe. Was it the early end to the noisy party that had potential to be the best party of the year? Perhaps. Was it the excess milk in each bowl of cereal that was the result of staring at the noise violation as he poured his milk? Doubtful.
After years of psychological analysis no one really understands what is going on in the mind of an arsonist. However, there is one known fact: Andrew Charles Donahue was seeking revenge.
The plan was devious, yet so simple it could only be crafted by an arsonist mastermind. One bag, one lighter, one doorbell, and of course one nasty piece of dog poop. Read more…
Makes you think twice about giving a pearl necklace.
The holiday season is like the X-games for arts & crafts. Ornaments, ginger bread houses, popcorn strings and festive decorations are old news. 2010 screams the future. You can take that glue-stick and use it to reapply your “where’s the beef?” bumper sticker. If you want to be considered a top crafter there should only be one thing on your table this year: Reindeer Poop.
Miller Park Zoo in Bloomington Illinois is where this years elite are gathering. The hot topic among the A&Cer’s is the Reindeer Poop Necklace.
What started out as a lovely tradition by a retired employees grandmother has blossomed into unparalleled technique that has the people at Jo-Ann Fabrics scratching their heads.
According to the zoos website,”before production begins, each ‘Gem’ is dehydrated, sanitized in an autoclave machine, painted and drilled.” Every necklace is then shaped into tiny snowman and ready to wear.
Look no further for this years perfect gift. You can pick up your very own pooplace at the Miller Park Zoo giftshop with all proceeds going to the zoo.
The Chinese cigarette smuggling business is multiplying like rabbits. A big score was seized by customs officers in Spain early this November. Over $1 million worth of “name brand” cigarettes were confiscated.
Police and custom officials were tipped off by dozens of British tourist complaining that their cigarettes “tasted and smelled like poop”. After dissecting several of the cigarettes it became apparent that the main ingredient was not tobacco, but rabbit dung.
“They stunk. They smell just as you’d imagine burning poo to smell. They not only smell bad but the toxic chemicals they give off are pure poison,” said a customs official.
Does this make them any different from regular cigarettes?
Apparently, custom officials have only scratched the surface on this problem. Read more…
Unique and clever or sexy and showing are the only two categories your Halloween costume can fall under if you take this holiday seriously. And you should. Halloween is the one holiday that always surpasses the hype.
You have had 365 days to think of a costume, I expect an effort. All of you pimps, 80’s rock stars and Gods gift to women costumes I roll my eyes and applaud. If it was not for your lack of inspiration my costumes might not be as special every year.
Much like poop, the poop costume ideas do not get thrown around very often. However, there are some un-flushables. The costumes you cannot help but laugh at.
It is very difficult, and some might say impossible, to make a poop costume sexy, which is why most fall under the clever category.
