We are a messed up generation with too much time on our hands (says the guy who writes for a blog about poop). The latest number to enter the poop scene is what is known as the “Taco Bell Diaper Party.” No, it’s not a redneck baby shower, it’s much worse.
To start, it’s not a party; it’s a game. Like any game, there are winners and losers. The rules to this game are simple, but needed because if it were not for the rules, everyone who plays would just be a loser.
Here’s how it works:
Step 1: Gather a few friends and order a ton of Taco Bell
Step 2: Buy diapers
Step 3: Go home, remove pants and put on diapers Read more…
We have all heard the saying, “Same Shit, Different Day.” It is intended to mean that everyday we face the same problems and situations. This phrase is commonly used to express a humorous frustration when something goes wrong.
Here at NTG it is common practice to use this phrase. However, we like to take the expression and create elaborate situations where the comparison of two dumps on two different days can be described in a detailed comical fashion.
When doing this there are three important ingredients to remember in order to create the best SSDD scenario:
1. Make the comparison as detailed and as literal as possible
2. Before saying SSDD, be sure to say, “doesn’t matter…”
3. Say the entire comparision with a Thick Southern Accent in a way that sounds like you are trying to prove a point.
We cannot stress these three rules enough, especially the accent. It really is the glue to the allure of this whole process (if you are having trouble, imagining you are George Bush is a good start).
Here are some examples, increasing in detail. We realize that these situations are a stretch, but that is what makes them great. Please read and then post your own!
Revenge is a dish best served cold, but according to the makers of Liquid ASS, pranks are best served with a side of hot, stinking ass. That was their impetus to create the best-selling product back in high school, a devotion that has led to the sale of 80,000 bottles and appearances on Howard Stern, Howie Do It, and countless radio programs. The numbers don’t lie: their shit really stinks. Find out more from self-proclaimed Assman #1 and #2, who made time for an NTG exclusive interview:
Your customers describe the smell of Liquid ASS as “horse manure,” “like a dead cat,” and “gut-wrenching,” among other adjectives and metaphors. In five words or less, what’s your best description of Liquid ASS?
Butt-crack in a bottle.
Marketed as a ‘prank product,’ what is the absolute best prank you have personally pulled using Liquid ASS?
On Howie: the gag reflex makes it to the second row
We dumped 4 bottles of ASS into a heater in the men’s crapper at a high school basketball game. The hallway reeked of ASS even after they opened both doors at the ends of the hallway. You know it’s bad when they had to open the doors during a snow storm! It was like a butt-crack wind tunnel. Kids were checking their shoes and pulling their shirts up over their noses. It was complete chaos for over two hours with a stench so bad kids thought it must have been summoned from Satan’s butt-hole. They closed down the crapper and had maintenance checking the building for floaters. We still wonder how class went the next day. Yes, we love our job.
You boast of having an “authentic butt-crack smell.” What kind of research did it take to get that just right?
Believe it or not, it was an accident, but the smell was instantly recognizable as butt-crack.
The secrecy of your main ingredients is on par with Vatican documents and the special sauce in Big Macs. Do you ever intend to share it with the world?
It would be irresponsible to let this get into the wrong hands. Only our dogs know the secret. We may be willing to trade for Coca-cola’s recipe.
When you hear praise such as, “I now know what it would smell like if I stuck my head in the colon of a rotting corpse,” how does it make you feel?
You know you nailed it when you hear comments like that. We actually hear people call it by name all the time. We are proud to provide a quality product that lives up to its name that is made right here in the USA.
If you could bottle one other scent in the entire world, what would it be?
Our # 1 request is Rotten vagina. We’ll send you a sample when it’s finished (we assume that it will bring back some memories).
There you have it…check back in a day or two for a full product review. Or, for more information on Liquid ASS, including prank videos and testimonials, visit www.liquidass.com.
