Let’s not get into the specifics of why NTG has been dormant for a couple months. Suffice to say that we are back and ready for some new crap.
Below is a picture that NTG took from a bathroom in the historic Castle building of the Smithsonian Institution, on the National Mall. Yes, ladies and gentleman, that is a view of the Capitol, and from the photo taker’s vantage point there are marble stalls and a vintage tampon machine (it didn’t work…believe me, I tried). Do you have a better view from your bathroom?
If so, take a picture and send it to info@numbertwoguide.com and we just might post it for the world to see.
I started a new job on Monday, thank you very much. And while it is in the basement of an episcopalian church and I can hear organs playing funeral tunes while I’m writing emails, it’s not a bad gig. Strange, to be sure.
So strange, in fact, that there is no Men’s Bathroom. The organization is so small they’ve never had a man work there, and so the Men’s room, which would have been conveniently located in the nearest hallway, serves as the storage closet for old T-shirts and letterhead. There may have been an Easy button lying around the toilet seat, but I didn’t investigate too much.
Here’s the kicker: I was never explicity told I could use the Women’s bathroom, just the “bathroom down the hall.” So I passed the Women’s bathroom and walked down the hall, past doors leading to church group meeting rooms, and found nary a Men’s or unisex toilet. I naturally assumed my boss meant the Women’s bathroom.
On my first day, I took two shits in there. On the second, I was clogged, and on the third, I clogged it…
We have all been in the situation where you find yourself on the can with no TP. Either you forgot to check before you sat down, or you decided to risk it with a slim-looking roll only to come up a few wipes short. The situation is very similar to running out of gas in the middle of the highway. If you find yourself in this predicament there are a few steps to follow which are different depending on if you are at work or at home:
At Home:
1. Search and rescue - Take a look around the bathroom for an additional roll. Be sure to look in the cupboards and drawers. This can require a bit of duck walking (with your pants around your ankles, aka the three-legged race) so be careful not to trip, and make sure you have nothing hanging on below! Also, Kleenex can make a great quick substitute, though the tissue isn’t as durable and will likely break apart between your butt cheeks.
2. Call for help! - If you know someone else is home that will aide you in the situation without being a dick about the whole thing then calling for help is always the best option. Although you are in a crisis, please think of the other person and give a courtesy flush before they make that daring one second no-look-rush into the bathroom to throw you a roll. Read more…
At NTG we get a lot of readers stuck at work that are looking for a way to pass the time. Although cell phone games can be great entertainment while sitting on the can, they can get stale real quick.
The people over at CheeksDown.com have created a competitive new game that is sweeping the poop at work nation.
The basic way the game works is that you take a poop, email a bunch of people, and they have to come find you before you complete your poop (completion = flushed, pants up, out of stall).
Like all time tested games, additional rules have been added to make the game achieve a sense of perfection. Read more…
