INDIANA – Manure pools the size of small houses are forming near cow pastures creating weapons of mass destruction.
In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, local farmer Allen Hutchison said, “If that thing back there blows, God help us all for miles.”
Hutchison and others have a plan to deal with these “dairy bubbles.” The strategy requires some serious equipment: A gas mask, a small boat, and a swiss army knife. Full details can be found here.
There is talk of a television show that will portray the events leading up to the creation of the poop bubbles. Here is how the whole incident started:
Old Jed was out shooting up some food, when out of the ground came a bubblin crude.
Poop that is. Brown gold. Indiana tea.
Well the first thing you know old Jeds smellin’ like a steer.
Rule #1 - It is natural for your muscles to relax when peeing. It is also natural for a man to get aroused when reading Maxim at the local Border’s. Does that mean it’s acceptable to T.C.O.B.? No - sometimes you have to restrain yourself.
Rule #2 - A public bathroom isn’t always empty when it’s quiet. Please, do a thorough check of the stalls if you think you’ll need to fart at the urinal.
Rule #3 - Grunting noises are unacceptable. Million Dollar Baby is a sad movie, but I refuse to cry at the end. You must fight the urge to audibly express the sensation you’re feeling.
Ok so I was at summer camp and we were on a super long hike. I REALLY had to go! So I asked my friend what i Should do because I was about to crap myself! She said go to the back of the line then get off the trail. And thats just what i did. I dont have very good direction apperently because i ended up in FRONT of the line. I didn’t see them so i dropped my pants and the stuff started coming! But then I heard them coming. I pulled my pants as fast as I could. But the stuff was still coming! So every one saw me crap myself and for the rest of the trail I had to wear my messy pants. And when I say messy, I mean it was diarrhea and was comming down my legs!!!!
The noise violation hung on 18 year old Andrew Charles Donahue’s fridge as a constant reminder of the neighbor that betrayed him. Every day as Donahue reached for the milk the ticket mocked him, but what was it that pushed him over the edge?
Was it the fine he had to pay? Maybe. Was it the early end to the noisy party that had potential to be the best party of the year? Perhaps. Was it the excess milk in each bowl of cereal that was the result of staring at the noise violation as he poured his milk? Doubtful.
After years of psychological analysis no one really understands what is going on in the mind of an arsonist. However, there is one known fact: Andrew Charles Donahue was seeking revenge.
The plan was devious, yet so simple it could only be crafted by an arsonist mastermind. One bag, one lighter, one doorbell, and of course one nasty piece of dog poop. Read more…
Another year, another Super Bowl without a poop ad. Had CBS possessed an inkling of marketing chops, the network would know that the following ad would not only make men eat more Snickers, but would raise the respectability of the nation’s leading station:
