Office Co-Workers- The Alter Ego

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Continuing on our poop at work guide to co-workers, we bring you the next type you might encounter at the office:

The Altar-Ego – Silent But Deadly

Poop Man - The Alter EgoGenerally, to paraphrase from Gladiator, who we are in life echoes in the bathroom. But sometimes, you get a case of a person whose personality does a 180 when confronted with the most holy of seats.

A soft-talker may become a loud-shitter. Those with a clean desk may leave a dirty bowl. And worst of all, that man or woman who leaves a trail of olfactory bliss walking past your desk may leave a trail of tears emanating from their stall.

The Altar-Ego is wily. This person can either get away with bathroom murder or be blamed for crimes they did not commit. Let’s be realistic: nobody would suspect the bubbly, mousy woman from HR to drop an atom bomb with fallout drifting into another office. And similarly, if two men leave a restroom at the same time – one a large balding male with a propensity to drink a 6-pack of diet coke a day and the other a physically-fit and well put together health freak – who do you think will shoulder the blame by the next person to enter?

You must take notice of co-workers with Altar-Egos. As discussed in the Timing chapter, it is important to play off their strengths and weaknesses to perfectly time your bathroom break. You don’t want to get mistaken for an unsuspectingly wicked shitter. Or, if you’re devious, you can choose to time your breaks concurrently with a seemingly obvious ‘Destroyer’ (see below) and lead others to suspect him/her.

Pros:

  • Can get away with a lot
  • Used to your advantage, can place blame on others

Cons:

  • Used against you, can get blamed for others’ offenses
  • Stereotyped by office personality