Poop Your Pants for a Purpose

super trooper
Littering and...shitting your pants
“Littering and…shitting your pants”

Here at NTG we get a lot of viewers asking about pooping your pants on purpose. Apparently people are fascinated by the thought of intentionally pooping their pants and some even enjoy it.

The one time I almost pooped my pants on purpose:

It was a hot summer day and I was 17. I was headed to the beach with my friends to scope out the babes. To get to the beach we had to drive through a state park where the speed limit drops down to 20mph. I kept cruisin at a steady 50 with the windows down and the music on when I saw the sirens light up in my rear view mirror. I felt like an idiot because I had made this drive 100 times before and knew of the speed trap. I also knew that state park speeding tickets where double fines and I was a broke 17 year old with no summer job.

In the five minute time slot you have, from when you see the siren behind you to when the cop is actually asking for your license, my friends and I came up with a plan.

“Tell the cop you were speeding because you have to shit real bad and if you don’t get to a toilet soon you will crap your pants, said my friend Trevor.

“Yeah!, and then if they don’t believe you actually shit your pants!” added my other friend Ben.

Brilliant! Or so I thought. I was already nervous so it looked like I had to shit anyway.

However, when Johnny Law came knocking on my window, I froze up. My friends kept waiting for me to tell the cop that I had the runs, but I chickened out.  It was the single biggest regret of my life. The one time I could have shit my pants on purpose without looking like a freak to my peers.

Now, close to ten year later, when I make the drive to the beach I am always tempted to hit the gas pedal and redeem myself. I never do, because deep down I know it will not be the same.

Looking back, I realize there will be one moment in everyone’s life where it will be acceptable to poop your pants, so Crap-e Diem. Seize the Crap!

**Similar poop-your-pants scapegoats can be effective during a physical attack or in the courtroom. There is no better way to get your sentenced reduced than by pooping your pants in front of the judge.  A surefire way to get the insanity plea!